How To Piss & Pass A Drug Test
Washing your system: how much water and for how long? In an emergency, you can start drinking water as soon as one hour before the test, 4-6 hours is recommended. There is no known universal dosage, but you should be urinating so often it is ridiculous. One drawback is that watery urine is produced.
- Sometimes urine is rejected on the basis of its color alone. Taking B-complex vitamins will help keep the urine yellow.
- Drinking vinegar does not work.
- Visine does not work.
- Concentrated urine works fine for those not sure about the integrity of a friends sample. Prepare ahead of time, directions are included.
- Niacin and Golden Seal have shown encouragement, but they are inconsistant. This urinator would not chance it.
- Don’t rely on the ibuprofen alibi. Anyone who has taken enough ibuprofen to cause a false positive above the 100ng cut-off (impossible) can rest assured: The GC-MS confirmation tests will confirm that it is indeed ibuprofen.
- The length of time or a THC positive varies. The average time for the regular user is less than two weeks. Water is a good method for these people, as insurance. An infrequent user should not have to worry after a couple of days.
- Substitution is the most interesting and challenging approach. If you really hate the bladder cops, this can be quite gratifying. If you are using a friend’s urine, be sure you know what drugs they have taken over the last month. There is no definitive test for amphetamines, OTC remedies such as Contac and Alka Seltzer are notorious. If you don’t list it, most any drug can get you into just as much trouble.For any substitution be prepared to give 60 cc. Also be sure it falls within the 91-97 degree temperature range. Most often the test containers have a tape on the side indicating the samples temp. Whatever the container, it must open quietly. Toilet paper is a convenient, provided, insulator.
Many collections require that you change into a gown. By using a vial or condom taped to the inner thigh, you can get around the gown as well as the temperature requirement. Most importantly, practice! Practice until you have made it a fine art. a woman with a shirt can fake urination even with an observer in the room. A man with his back to an observer can do just as well. Abbie Hoffman suggested a few drops of urine on the seat or on ones shoe as an added measure of authenticity.
- If you can’t pass the test—screw over the chain of custody. This involves safety seals, signatures and treating your urine like serious stuff. Act nervous. Sign the papers differently in different places. Initial the wrong place and then scribble it out. If the official is not paying attention, mark in the ‘do not mark’ areas. These papers are reviewed before analysis, if they are inconsistent, your sample will be voided.
- If you fail the test, Raise hell. A urine test gone wrong can make a passive person rabid. Don’t take it to court. It is virtually impossible to win a case, especially in pre-employment. All positive samples are kept in the labs for two years.
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